It's Not Polite to Make Holes in Other's Boats
by Chakolit Chip
Summary: Witten for 30 Pieces over on Livejournal for prompt 15 Etiquette. Smoker is just minding his own business when Ace arrives and starts blasting holes in his ship. Stupid drunk fire user. SmoAce. Rated T for language and implied yaoi. Oneshot.


Title: It's Not Very Polite to Make Holes in Other Peoples Ships

Theme: #15 Etiquette

Claim: Ace

Words: 1595

Rating: T

Warning: Hints of a sexual relationship between Smoker and Ace, drunkenness, swearing, nudity, more swearing (What do you expect? Its a grumpy marine and a pirate for Shiva's sake!) and fire cause fire and alcohol do NOT combine well.

Disclaimer: I am not Oda-sensei and Oda-sensei owns One Piece. At least I think I'm not Oda-sensei... Anyway I'm just borrowing them to have a little fun

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><p>Smoker had just gotten out of the shower and not bothering to get dressed sat down to do some paperwork that he had been putting off. They were coming up to port and he had to have it finished so he could send it off before they left.<p>

They were about an hour out from port when the yelling started. Figuring that his crew would fetch him if they needed him he ignored it and continued to work.

He had just stood to stretch, his towel hanging loosely around his hips, when Tashigi burst into the room.

"Commander Smoker! Sir!" He jumped at the sudden intrusion and his towel slid off onto the floor. He stood there awkwardly not sure what protocol demanded in a situation like this.

Tashigi's eyes grey wide and she turned bright red spinning around to face the wall behind her. Of course this would be the one time she was wearing her glasses.

He sighed and picked up the fallen towel.

"What is it Lieutenant?" he asked wrapping it back around his waist.

"Sir a small boat is approaching us at high speeds. We believe it is Fire Fist, sir." He sighed.

"Alright I will be right up. Dismissed." Tashigi all but ran out of the room, face still beet red.

"Godamnit Ace." he sighed tossing the towel to the side and walking to the dresser to get out a pair of clean pants.

He heard a loud smash come from somewhere above deck and had to rest the urge to swear loudly at the fucking brat who was probably making holes in his ship. He roughly yanked out a pair of jeans and turned at the sound of a (slightly muted) shrill scream come from the floor above.

Suddenly with a loud shriek of wood splintering part of his ceiling caved in depositing a pile of wood, fire and a person.

He just stood there naked, one leg in his pants and stared as a bright orange hat landed on top of the pile.

"Huwa?" a dark haired head shot up out of the pile of rubble. It looked back and forth a bit not taking notice that the top of the dark hair was alight.

A strangled noise came from Smokers throat which caught the attention of the man on the floor. They looked at each other faces mirroring shocked expressions. Yep it was fucking Portgas making fucking holes in his fucking ship.

Ace's face melted into a large cheeky grin and he pulled himself upright as Smoker just stood there in shock having forgotten about his pants. Ace swayed back and forth slightly and almost fell when he bent over to pick up his hat.

"Hey there Smokey" he said making a face which looked kinda like an attempt to wiggle his eyebrows. "That's a pretty nice package you got there. Is it for me?" He then tried to casually lean on the wall beside him.

It didn't work.

His flames flared up again and he went over sideways right through the wall.

Smoker quickly pulled his pants on and rushed over to the hole absentmindedly smothering small flames that had started to lick at the wood.

"Ah? How the fuck did I end up here?" Ace slurred slightly attempting to sit up

"You fell through the fucking wall dipshit." Smoker replied. Luckily no one had been in the other room. He hoisted the fire user off the floor dampening the spurts of fire randomly flaring off of him.

"Are you drunk?" Smoker asked. He could smell cheap alcohol.

"Mebe a little." Ace said grinning like an idiot now.

"No, no you are very, very drunk. I don't know how I am gonna explain this one." Ace slumped slightly and Smoker looked over at him. Either the drink or his narcolepsy had gotten to him and he was dead asleep.

Smoker sighed and dumped Ace beside his bed so he could get the fireproof blanket that he kept for when Ace visited.

He spread the blanket out on top of the bed and threw Ace on top. Then he sat down and tried to figure out what the fuck he was going to say to his crew.

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><p>When Ace woke up the first thing he became aware of was the pounding ache in his head. The second thing he became aware of was the sound of water against a hull.<p>

The sound was different than the sound of water against his skiff so he couldn't be there plus he was in a bed. The gentle rocking motion also signalled he was on a ship...

But how.

Last he remembered he had been on land in a tavern where he had rented a room for the night. And then gone down to the bar to get some food and drink. Oh and there was that guy who was really nice and kept on buying him drinks...

'No no no no no! Fuck! I went with him didn't I!' Ace leaped out of the bed trying to ignore his pounding head and promptly tripped over something. There was a loud crash as he faceplanted into the floor, arms waving wildly to try and regain his balance.

"Hua? Ace? What the fuck are you doing Ace?" what or rather whoever he had tripped over said.

'Fuck he knows my name. Probably know exactly who I am and the marines are going to arrive any moment. Probably be there as soon as I look around...' He looked up right into Smokers face. He groaned and let his head fall back down onto the wooden floor.

"Ace seriously. What the fuck are you doing?"

"I suppose you are here to arrest me." Ace said his words muffled by the floor. Ace didn't see it but Smoker rolled his eyes at him.

"If I had wanted to arrest you I would have done it when you were passed out on my bed dipshit." Ace's only response was to flop slightly. "Here I have some painkillers for you."

"'s not gonna work."

"Yes they will. These are from my personal stash usually reserved for dealing with brats like you. They are specially made to work on all logia users." Ace looked at him for a moment before taking the pills and swallowing them. He rolled over onto his back and looked at Smoker. He could now recognize the room he was in.

"So." Ace said after a few moments. "Why was I in your bed?" Smoker raised an eyebrow

"You don't remember?" he asked

"No I'm asking cause I feel like it. No duh I don't remember!" Smoker sighed.

"Well you see that hole up there on the ceiling? That is from you crashing through 2 floors and landing in this room while I was getting dressed. Now see that hole in the wall? That is from you leaning against it and attempting to hit on me. After that you passed out." in Ace's defence he did look guilty after seeing the destruction he had caused.

"Fuck. Sorry Smoker I didn't mean to damage anything. I have trouble controlling my powers when drunk and I must have been really sloshed. Also cause I have the Mera Mera no Mi it flares when I get really drunk to get rid of the alcohol in my system. Alcohol and fire is never a good thing as you probably know." he stopped and thought for a moment. "Hey. Your right! These pills really do work! Where the fuck do you get these!" he sprang up so he was sitting rather than lying bonelessly on the floor.

"Marine supply only. That's the only way to get them." there was a gleam in Ace's eyes which Smoker didn't like. "Don't even think about it!"

"Awww come on! You expect me to know this and not try and steal some? You suck. Will you at least give me some for personal use?" He turned to Smoker eyes wide and a slight pout on his face. It was a look he had fallen prey to many times when used by Luffy and had learned to use it himself.

"D-don't look at me like that!" Smoker said averting his eyes and blushing lightly. Ace just upped the intensity. "Fine. Take the rest of the bottle I have more anyway." Ace grinned and jumped up attaching himself to Smoker.

"Thank you~" he purred "Shall I repay you will my body?"

"No! No, no I think you have done enough damage today. I already had to explain your presence once today. I don't want to have to do it again since you are quite loud and there is now 2 HOLES IN MY ROOM!"

"Alright, alright I'll leave. Probably be back in a few days though." Ace let go and moved toward the hole in the ceiling.

"I'm sure you will be. Here." Smoker tossed the mostly full bottle of painkillers at Ace. "If ANYONE asks you stole it okay? Don't even tell your shipmates."

"Fine." He hopped back to Smoker giving him a kiss on the lips before with a cheeky grin turning to fire and blasting back out the way he came in.

"Fucking Pirates." Smoker muttered adjusting his pants to try and get rid of the bulge that was starting to form there.

Fin

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><p>I hoped you liked this! This was a drabble that wouldn't stop and turned itself into a oneshot. Oh well. More for you to read.<p>

Please leave a review! Reviews encourage me to write more!


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